


An Executive Assistant of the First Order

by Fairleigh



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Epistolary, First Order Politics, Gen, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-12 15:27:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18013463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fairleigh/pseuds/Fairleigh
Summary: Just another day in the life of General Hux's personal secretary.





	An Executive Assistant of the First Order

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lucymonster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucymonster/gifts).



_**Prefatory Note:** The following correspondence was discovered on a datapad that scavengers had taken from the wreckage of Starkiller Base which we then purchased for a reasonable sum, its value being primarily historical. Although the file had become corrupted, careful reconstruction of the base code by experts now allows us to read a significant portion of what had been written._

_Most of what history remembers of Ryain Rimwards has been derived or extrapolated from this letter addressed to his sister Rillia. What we know: Rimwards was born on Coruscant in 6 ABY to a politically conservative human family of modest means. His sister, born three years prior, was married to Aleksander Piett, a known First Order sympathizer and shadow donor, in 33 ABY. It is through Piett that Rimwards secured his position that same year as personal secretary to General Armitage Hux._

 

[…] highest security installation, where all non-essential communiques are restricted, and those which do manage to make it in or out are invariably heavily redacted. If I have been remiss in reaching out to you these past months, this is the reason — a reason, my dearest Rillia, but not an excuse! I do hope that you and Mother will see it in your hearts to forgive me.

How is Mother’s new pair of lungs treating her? Yes, yes, I know: the Utapauns are said to be galaxy’s undisputed leaders in the field of cloned organ regeneration, second only to the tragically extinct Kaminoans. But let’s face it: they aren’t even human — oh, that sickeningly grey skin, and those horrid teeth! — and that makes them untrustworthy. I’m never going to be able to stop worrying. Please at least assure me that Mother _has_ finally kicked her deathstick habit once and for all, though?

As for me, I’ve been well. Never better, to be honest. About the worst I can say is that I might be somewhat permanently sleep-deprived, and that’s only because General Hux has such high expectations of his personal staff, which is only fair. General Hux is going to change the course of history, of that I am certain, and it’s been such a privilege to be such an instrumental, front and center part of it! Please pass on my sincerest thanks _yet again_ to Aleks for the esteemed introductions which secured this fantastic position for me.

Today has been an unusually light day work-wise, since for most of it General Hux was in closed conference with the current acting leadership triumvirate. Normally, meetings are transcribed, with all attending principals bringing their own notetaker. On this occasion, however, even notetaking had been proscribed, so my excellent transcription services were not required. Instead, I was to ordered to serve the caf.

General Hux is very particular about his caf — he likes it strong but not bitter, with exactly twice the volumetric weight of dissolved sweetener as fresh bantha cream — and I am the only executive assistant in his services, according to General Hux himself, who is capable of delivering cups which reliably satisfy his requirements.

In any case, I had three steaming hot cups of caf prepared, which I already knew was overkill because Captain Phasma never removes her helmet and, taking a screencap from her datapad, I suppose, neither these days does Kylo Ren. But I set them down on the boardroom table anyway, where they were duly ignored in favor of a heated argument that was in full swing when I entered.

Kylo Ren, it seemed, was intent upon securing “lore” on Jakku. (Jakku? What could the First Order want with that dump? Yeah, beats me too.) In typical Ren-style, he was shouting, flailing, and making the walls buckle inward with the Force. Quite the show, maybe, but we’re used to it, and it doesn’t impress us anymore. Captain Phasma, meanwhile, her arms crossed contemptuously, was insisting that Kylo Ren needed, and I quote, “adult supervision” and should not under any circumstances be given authorization to “go solo.”

This declaration from Captain Phasma was obviously intended as mockery, and, surprise surprise, it made Kylo Ren go absolutely ballistic. All he had to do was look at the cups, and next thing I knew the caf I had just finished preparing with such love and care went splashing across the table and onto the floor, at which point General Hux, who’d had more than enough of his compatriots’ shamefully childish antics, yelled for a janitor to clean up the mess.

The man who arrived with the mop turned out to be one of Captain Phasma’s less accomplished stormtroopers, and General Hux, keenly observant and noting how much she seemed to loathe this man, took the opportunity to put both her and Kylo Ren in their place: “You’ll take Phasma with you, Ren. I will inform Supreme Leader Snoke,” he announced decisively. Then, just as Captain Phasma was puffing her chrome-plated chest out in victory, he added, this time to Captain Phasma, “And since Ren is so certain there will be no Resistance to speak of on Jakku, Phasma, _you_ will take _him_. I see no point in wasting decent stormtroopers on this op.”

“Him” meant the janitor, of course. I wish I could’ve seen Captain Phasma’s reaction behind her helmet, but the janitor’s was pretty hilarious. He gasped and spluttered and slopped his caf-soaked mop onto one of General Hux’s impeccably polished, nerf-leather boots.

I don’t know what happened after that. Discretion being the better part of valor, I pleaded other work and beat a hasty retreat back to my desk, where I kept myself busy writing the text of a speech that General Hux is expecting to give upon the official announcement of … ah, well, that’s something I’m not allowed to talk about, as you might imagine, my dearest Rillia, so suffice it to say […]

 

_**Concluding Note:** While the ultimate fate of Ryain Rimwards remains unknown, what we can know with certainty is that he survived the destruction of Starkiller Base. His name appears high on the list of priority evacuees in the event of an attack, and further, Rimwards receives a passing mention in Hux’s own personal memoirs post-dating the Battle of D’Qar. To wit: After Kylo Ren assumed the mantle of Supreme Leader of the First Order, Rimwards was, according to Hux himself, the only individual Hux trusted to brew his caf. “Ren, that cowardly bastard,” Hux wrote, “would have me poisoned to death if he could.” The paranoia behind this declared dependence upon Rimward’s caf-brewing expertise prefigures the power struggle which would ultimately lead to the destruction of the First Order from within.  
_


End file.
